The 1,000 Panties of Senjoughara
by Mereo Flere
Summary: There is actually only one.


"The 1000 Panties of Senjoughara" by Mereo Flere

Just a short fic about an idea that's been through my head.

XXX

When Kanbaru Suruga invited me over to her place for a tutoring session I was honestly confused. My grades had never been that great, and even though I had gone through the same curriculum as her just a year before that didn't mean that I recalled any of it. There were plenty of other people to ask, including the upperclassman that she adored, whose grades were second only to Hanekawa's. It would have been a great excuse for Kanbaru to spend some alone time with my girlfriend, who had no reason to deny helping out her.

However, she insisted that it would be meaningless if it wasn't me who came. I should have been suspicious of her motives then – and I was, having become familiar with her character. Yet, despite being sure that I knew her that well, that I wouldn't let myself be shocked at whatever outlandish idea she had concocted, I truly underestimated her deviousness.

The first thing I noticed when I arrived at her room was that the mountain of bara books had been put away somewhere. They were completely out of sight. Instead, in their place, was a sea of panties – that overflowed into the hallway when I opened the door, burying me before I could get away. Not that I could honestly say I tried.

Even if Kanbaru's plan was to kill me by drowning me in women's undergarments I could have thought of worse ways to die.

"What's taking you so long, Araragi-senpai?" a voice called from within the room. "Having trouble?"

"No," I answered back. "No trouble at all."

"You know, there's no point in trying to smell the panties. I washed them all before you arrived. Unfortunately, you won't get a whiff of your underclassmen's scent after a day of being worn."

"…I'll try to hide my disappointment."

"You're not very good at that."

"No," I admitted, secretly settling for the smell of fresh laundry. "I suppose I'm not."

XXX

My suspicions that Kanbaru didn't want me to teach her were confirmed when I walked/waded into the room. To begin with, there was no table to work on, no books, no notes to speak of – nothing to indicate her waiting to be tutored at all. There might have been a slim possibility that somewhere, buried underneath the panties, were some sort of study aids but it certainly a percentage that was dangerously approaching zero.

As for Kanbaru herself, she sat on her bed – the only place completely devoid of panties (except her own, if my theory of her wearing them underneath her spats was correct). Dressed in her school uniform, she sat on the edge of the bed – one leg crossed over the other as she smiled at him.

It was a dangerous, mischievous smile.

"I suppose you're ready for the tutoring session?" she asked as her eyes twinkled with amusement, still pretending she had no ulterior motives at all. Since I hadn't been able to figure them out just yet, however, I decided to play along.

"Yes, yes," I answered, setting down my bag filled with my school notes – the ones I hadn't bothered to throw away over the last year, at least. "But how am I supposed to tutor you in this sort of environment."

"You're mistaken," Kanbaru said, pouting. "You aren't here to tutor me."

"Aha, so you admit it!"

"Of course," she said, and suddenly my danger sense started to go haywire. "You see, I had you come today so that I could tutor you."

I paused, stopping just a few feet short of the bed and Kanbaru. "Wait, you wanted to tutor _me?_"

She raised a brow, as if it was the most obvious truth in the world. Perhaps it was – I can't claim to understand exactly how her or any girl's thought processes went, something that I had been berated for in the past. Still, while I couldn't disagree that Kanbaru was smarter than me, there were things even she should've have known.

"Thanks, but…Senjoughara is already tutoring me, Kanbaru. And, no offense, but you haven't covered the same subjects I have yet."

"Ah – but you know, that's not entirely true," she said happily. "There's something that I'm still more knowledgeable about than you, Araragi-senpai. And, while I'm sure Senjoughara-senpai is more than capable of teaching you, I think it would be more satisfying for her if you learn it from someone else."

I raised a brow, though at the same time I had a sinking feeling that I already knew what this was going to be about. "And just what is this subject you plan to teach me?"

"The subject is Senjoughara-senpai, of course!"

Of course.

"The name of this course is 'The Million Panties of Senjoughara' by the way."

"Wait, all of these panties is hers?"

"Naturally," she said, tossing a few up into the air. "Aren't you glad the panties you sniffed earlier turned out to be your girlfriend's all along?"

"Well, maybe," I admitted – before quickly shaking my head. "But that's not the point! What are you doing with all of these panties?"

"Well, I could hardly call it 'The Million Panties of Senjoughara' if I used my own panties."

"I can't believe you stole a million of her panties. No, wait, what how did she even have that many in the first place?"

"Of course she didn't have a million panties. Even I have only a hundred thousand or so myself."

"That's still way too many! Is it even possible for you to use them all? Even if you changed them three times a day, it would still take you one hundred years to go through them all!"

"Actually, Araragi-senpai," Kanbaru said, shaking her head. "It would only take ninety one years for me to use them all, wearing three different pairs a day."

"Well, I'm glad you're prepared to live a long life," I said.

"Anyway, she only had about nine thousand or so for me to steal."

"Yes, what a shame that she only had nearly ten thousand panties for you to steal."

"I knew you would understand!" Kanbaru said, jumping up. "After all, it's getting pretty cold, so I couldn't dare to leave my precious senpai to freeze to death, so I could only take half of them."

"So, what you're saying is that you're managed to steal forty five hundred panties from her without her noticing."

"Five thousand, actually. I rounded up to make things easier for me."

"How in the world is stealing five hundred more panties easier for you?"

"Well," she said, stroking her chin sagely. "First of all, it's easier to write that number out. Second, it meant that I wouldn't have to choose as many to leave behind. All of her panties are wonderful, you know."

"No," I said with a tired sigh. "I don't know."

"See, you do need my tutoring after all!"

"That's not what I meant."

"Anyway," she continued, "I ended up using five thousand point zero of them before you got here."

I didn't even bother to ask what exactly she used them for. It was easy to imagine what a girl like Kanbaru would do with her beloved Senjoughara-senpai's panties when left alone with them.

"That's all of them! All you managed to do was add a pointless decimal point."

"Yes. So I had to wash them you see, even though I'm sure you would have preferred if I hadn't, but the lesson wasn't supposed to be about me and so I had to wash them before you got here but I only managed to clean one thousand of them. So really, I should call the course 'The 1000 Panties of Senjoughara.'"

Somehow, that was still pretty impressive, even though it was totally insane. Of course, he had to ask… "Why are her panties so important in the first place?"

"You know how they say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach? Well, the way to a girl's-"

"Stop. Stop right there! I know what you're going to say, and I already know that it's not going to explain what it has to do with panties at all!"

"Well, you see, the panties would get in the way."

"Okay, so I was wrong, but that didn't mean you had to steal them! Anyway, look," I said, deciding to put aside Kanbaru's idea of stealing a ton of panties for now. "Where did you even get the idea to tutor me about my own girlfriend?"

"Have you ever heard the phrase 'Those who can, do, those who can't, teach' Araragi-senpai?"

"Yes."

"Well, since I can't sleep with Senjoughara I'll _teach_ you how to _do_ her."

"What kind of twisted logic is that? Besides - what do you plan to do - pretend to be Senjoughara? That's not your character type at all!"

"No," Kanbaru said, shaking her head. "Of course I wouldn't dare dream of imitating her. There is only one wonderful Senjoughara-senpai in the world."

"Ah, that's good..."

No matter what she had planned, at least she wasn't going to try to take Senjoughara's place.

"As the mentor, it's only natural to roleplay as you, after all."

…and somehow, she had managed to surpass my expectations once again.

Bravo, Kanbaru. Bravo.

"Just hold on! You don't even have a- Wait, why am I even considering this?"

"You're considering it because it makes perfect sense, Araragi-senpai. Now, take off your pants."

Kanbaru moved fast. Before I knew it she had leaped at me, tackling me into a hill of panties.

After a moment of hesitation, and a mental reminder that Senjoughara would probably kill me if I ever went along with Kanbaru's idea even for a moment, I did my best to shove her off of me.

"What? No, never! You can kill me before I'll take them off!"

"Technically, I did, once," Kanbaru said with a pout, even as she started to bend over. "But I see that you're feeling shy. Fine, then, I'll strip first."

Admittedly, a few beats of silence passed as Kanbaru's fingers reached towards the edge of her spats. My curiosity even got the better of me even after she pulled them off, only for her underneath her skirt.

"Stop!" I pleaded, finally summoning the willpower to look away. "If Senjougahara ever heard of this she'd kill us boAND PUT YOUR PANTIES BACK ON!" I yelled as I threw back the panties that had just landed on my face.

"You don't know for a fact that I was wearing them just now. After all, you look away!"

"They were still warm! And…other things!"

I tried my best not to think about what the other things were. At least, I wouldn't think about them right now – not when there was libido manifested in the form of a teenage girl just waiting for any chance to pounce on me again.

No, I could do it in my own private time. Not right now, however, and definitely not while I was still in the proximity Kanbaru.

"Ah, but aren't you glad you had one of your questions answered?"

I crossed my arms, still making sure not to look in her direction. "I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about!"

"I know you're thinking in your head, 'Aha! So she does wear panties under her spats!', Araragi-senpai. How does it feel to know your theory was right all along?"

"Okay, maybe that's true! It doesn't matter at all that I might be feeling a little satisfied right now!"

"Well you shouldn't," she said, sticking out her tongue at me. "These aren't even my panties."

I paused. No, there was no way she would - she just wouldn't...

But just to be safe, I double checked. I-it wasn't like I wanted to see them or anything, I just had to know for sure.

I immediately recognized the underwear that was now, for some reason, being worn on her head like a mask. How could I not, when I permanently embedded the image of those stationary pattered panties into my memory the first time my girlfriend had taken me to her home.

"Why were you wearing Senjoughara's panties?"

"Because I'm pretending to be you."

"I don't wear my girlfriend's panties!"

"But," she said, wagging her finger in front of me. "That doesn't mean you shouldn't be."

"I wouldn't dream of doing that!"

"But that's only because Senjoughara-senpai would kill you for stretching out her panties, and not because you don't actually want to try them on."

I froze for a moment as I realized she had me figured out after all and then I bowed my head in defeat. It seemed that Kanbaru was absolutely invincible today; there was no way I was going to defeat her today unless I was perfectly frank with her.

"Let's make this clear, Kanbaru," I said. "This, whatever this is, isn't going to happen. I love my girlfriend, and even I'm not oblivious enough to think this would be anything at all acceptable."

"You're no fun, Araragi-senpai," she said, a disappointed frown on her face. "But…I suppose if you had really taken me up on it you would have failed the test."

I stared at her, before falling back on the ground. "I should have known," I admitted. "So, this was a test? And what would have you done if I hadn't passed it?"

"I would have spent the nights passionately making love to you before Senjoughara-senpai inevitably found out about us and killed us both, chopped off your head, and sailed away on a nice boat."

"…how pleasant."

"Of course," Kanbaru said, crawling over to me, before latching onto my arm. "I wouldn't mind joining both of you together if you didn't complain. I like both you and Senjoughara-senpai a lot, after all."

I remained silent. There wasn't really anything I could say at this point – I could hardly encourage her after all.

Even if a small part of me wanted to. But that really wouldn't have been fair to do that.

"You know, this would be easier if Senjoughara-senpai and I were guys. Then nobody would care if the three of us had hot, sweaty sexy times together."

"I would care! Besides, how would that be any easier at all? Just because it's fine in your books doesn't mean it's accepted in the real world."

"You're right," Kanbaru acknowledged, nodding. "It would be simpler to just turn you into a girl."

"Absolutely not. I enjoy my XY-type equipment."

"Come on, Araloli-senpai."

My eye twitched. "Don't call me that - no, why a loli in the first place?"

"Didn't you say yourself that you were interested in the underwear of small girls? You could finally wear them yourself."

"I won't even begin to point out where that's wrong!"

~The End~


End file.
